my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't think brook has ever known best
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
