I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
