So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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