I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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