it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I came so hard my ears popped.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
