I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
