I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
