the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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