We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
