do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
