Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
