1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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