How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
