"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
