Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
