Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
