My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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