What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
