U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
