I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
PANTIES FOUND
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
