My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
