Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
