My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
