I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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