I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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