Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
