just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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