I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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