I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
