i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Farmville is her only friend.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
