He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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