I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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