Screwed.edu
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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