I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
