im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
