She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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