it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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