My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
