sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
