areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
