Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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