Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
