just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
