And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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