Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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