i would punch a child for taco bell
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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