I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
