one two three fourrrrnication!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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