a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
