all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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