a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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