I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
