he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
