why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
