gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
