remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
