I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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