I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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