First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
